The pain leaves you when it is sure that it has taught you something

You are what you do, not what you say you will do.

This morning I once again made a particularly "weird" remark. I could see that from the reactions and looks of the people around me. Thereby the thought came to me: "Man Susanne, actually you are unfit for life". But then I immediately put it straight in my mind that I actually only live according to my own rules. That felt good again.

But immediately a quiet voice inside me said: "Do you really live by your own rules?

Isn't it rather the case that you believe or even wish to live according to your own rules? But that in fact you often don't? Because adapting is comfortable, because leaving the comfort zone is scary?

I had to agree with the voice. But what is the origin of this fear? Again, I was not left waiting for an answer. When I was a little girl, I was often confronted with powerlessness, with the fact that I am worthless if I don't please. Then, posthaste, my heart chakra would say, "Grief alert!"

"I can indulge in that a bit," I thought. But nothing there. Deep within me, an old familiar overpowering force suddenly rose up in me. An eternally blazing wild fire that always and everywhere urges me to get up again, to go on, no matter what once was. Today I am no longer the little girl. I have become the life-experienced passionate and full of life woman.

If I deny my potential, I also take something away from the people around me. Namely, the realization that known paths are not always the better ones. And that the untrodden paths hold great potential for true joy of life, precisely because so much of what is real is hidden in them...... When I raised my eyes again, I saw goodwill, joy and heartfelt recognition in the people around me. Suddenly I felt - even if I am "weird" - carried in this society.